Month: December 2013

Such dichotomy…

The dichotomy of your beliefs
doesn’t really add up to me,
It ain’t like your kisses make me weak,
Or when you look at me I see the North Star leading us to freedom,
Or if I’m in love with the small things,
simple things like keeping yourself immaculately neat.
And how your so sweet,
That the chocolate you engulf in
Is just a treat…

Guess I’m a false dichotomy of how I view this.
Maybe I’m so angry I’m not your leading lady,
But having the supporting role,
We can only reminisce
On how I’m addicted to your forehead kiss.
Of how I lied to you saying I was ready for such a journey when I really wasn’t.
Guess Im just a mirror of you…
A dichotomy…
Such dichotomous views from 2 lost souls wanting to call a truce,
I’m not sure how you feel
But I feel lost.
Without you that is.
Such dichotomy….
We neither want to give up security for freedom and now we deserve neither.
Risk it all or risk either.
And as I fall deeper,
I know what I have to do,
Love it or leave it alone.

You continue to bottle up your feelings because trust isn’t build,
And I feel the same damn way.
Looking in the mirror I see how I have grown to love me,
And it was because of you.

It is however unfortunate,
That I was misguided by your dichotomous viewpoints.
Walking contradictions
that we don’t practice what we preach…
Let’s start practicing it with me.

I know there’s promise in tomorrow when you can see the shadows of the stars in the dead sea.

See faith is the key.

Why can’t you accept my situation when you want me to accept yours?
According to you,
Playing with hearts isn’t a nice thing to do.
And when that’s obviously true,
What the hell do you think it is that you do?

Such dichotomous ill- normalities going on,
As I lay here feeling fucking scorned.
I thought we could be each other’s escape,
What happened?
You listen to reply,
As I try to understand you.
Are you playing me?
Or am I just too naive to see what love means?

Through all of these neither and nors, this and that’s, right and wrongs,
I know what I know.
Yet your pop up discretionary sessions gives way to my softer side.

But it’s a cruel world.
No time to fall in love.
Time is money, safe guarding ourselves is the new ‘it’ thing to do.
Not taking the risks associated when you feel like you have found the one.
People make time for what they want though…
and I always wanted to know from you if that want was me.

Such dichotomy…

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No clue

I’m trying to figure out what I signed up for
Because I didn’t want to cause no harm
Your sweet words was the lure,
And the end result is my heart needs to mourn.

You have no clue what you did to me.
Your actions show that you have no love for me
How do you make me feel so free,
Then leave me to be?

Did you even see a future for us?
Or was I this play thing u felt compelled to lust?
How dare you request for trust,
When I’m alone looking at you being a happy family man somewhere else?

Karma is a bitch and you will see the raft of what she’ll do.
Don’t be mad when I pull a you on you.
See I’m fearfully and wonderfully made,
No ones sloppy seconds.
Maybe you’ll know that when you finally get a clue.

Sooner or later.

Sooner or later this will be obsolete.
Something I can look back on and say to myself how I have grown from this,
How I managed to stay on my feet.
Sooner or later I won’t be such the spy and go through archives that my eyes aren’t for and being an undisclosed creep.
Because my blood is beginning to seep.

Onto paper that is.
I can’t wait for the day I can laugh at my naivety and see how I have grown from this.
Looking back with my briefcase in hand carrying my success.
Sooner or later I can move on from the way I was dismissed.
How you left me for dead, dug my grave for me and kiss the casket and mumbled I will be sorrowfully missed.

Sooner or later I can get over this.
Like it was some sort of unrealistic goal I believed in
I thought I knew you were meant for me.
There goes my naive state again.
How dare I believe this to be true when I knew what I knew.
In essence I was set up for failure.
Your lies made me believe in hope.
And that word belief is more than what meets our lips.

Sooner or later, my consequences for my actions will be over.

Sooner or later I won’t dream of how life would be for us anymore.
How I can wake up and your finally not the first thought of my day.

Sooner or later I’ll stop kicking myself of the mistakes I made with us,
Or even wishing I didn’t even try it with us.
where were my standards?
I blame this open heart of mine.
Its always being taken advantage of.

Sooner or later, I’ll forgive myself.
Forgiving my past, the hurts associated with it, and the blame I use to make the poor decisions I make.

Sooner or later, I’ll take heed to what you taught me,
And I’ll blossom into that potential you said I didn’t even see in myself.

Sooner or later I’ll love myself.
Wholeheartedly and Un-byknowingly.

Sooner or later I’ll be careful of letting someone enter my spirit without asking God for discernment first.

Until then, I shall commence in this pain.
Killing myself,
Reminiscing on all of our beautiful memories we made.
Believing in this extinction,
As I completely know the truth.

Sooner or later, I hope to stop crying over you.

The crumbs of our mistakes.

I can’t deal.
My feelings aren’t up for an appeal.
So they sit in this jail cell until they are serve its next meal.

What an obligation I have towards them.
See you can’t help who you love, and that’s the essence of it.
Don’t know what to do with these woes so I (try) to ignore them by playing games.
The same games that keeps our emotions caged.

If I crafted the words that the correctional officers dictated for me to leave this alone,
I could make a fishers net so you’ll always know theirs more of them in the sea…
However I’m someone you can call home.
Yet and still I have this detainer on my soul.
No entry to your goodness because you saw a leach on my phone,
Too worrisome of what my friends thought now Ill be living a dormant life on my own.

And I know what I can do to bring you to your knees.
I’m just not needed.
See God gave us eyes for us to see,
And I saw life on the outside through your docile spirit.
I just needed to be release by you simply giving me the keys…
I wake up thinking about your candor and I light up as if I see a way through this…
But then I see in this bed its only me…

When do commissary come?
Maybe I can write you again to make you finally feel undone.
I know I can, I just been doubting this love.
When I get out, the first thing I want to do is birth you a son.
To show the world what magic looks like,
To finally build us on a foundation that comes from our crumbs.
The crumbs of our mistakes.

From the chains that are on my feet,
To the crown of your head to the soul of your own feat.
I will stay in this confined area until I know we can go to trial with no chance of defeat.

my love,
You taught me how to be a woman.
Wait for me, I’ll be out soon.

The major leagues

Numb to the bullshit.
Numb to the hostility of my actions when you failed to lean on me like I wasn’t going to be there when life brings us to our knees.
How ashame of not believing…
As if we didn’t grow a rose from the concrete from our past living in our present and seeing our future.
How could you ever think I wouldn’t ride for you like a mechanical bull… I’ll hold on like the passion we both absorbed off each other
We can’t let this go…
I’ll beg you until you let me know…
Straight no chaser,
Space moons with the lasers.
Send me to hell or send me straight to the sky,
Each way I deserve your communication
You deserve my all, games or none, your choice… The ball is in your court.
It always have.
I just been playing the good sport
Too bad your in the major leagues.

I love you too…

I love you too…

Sighs.

I’m not sure why we say this word without any remorse.
You touched my heart.
Going to sleep is a nightmare because I know I won’t see you tomorrow.
I was played.
But the game taught me well.

I shall propel forward and leave this behind
Besides he’s not here to dry my eyes.
From the same eyes he made beautiful only for him.
And i loved it because I love me some him.

But I know I need to love me more.
I need to know I have a lot more to offer….
seek and I shall find
But this is all from the inspiration you have given me,
And I’m in love with you.

So I have to go find my more powerful self.
The more peaceful side.

Change will come where only you and me can hear our heart beat; while you have me on the kitchen counter understanding why I lie.

Trying to understand who I am.
Wanting to be in my world.

Sighs.

Your so different. You touched my soul.
I have to manage to act like this never happened?

Do I know what time it is?

Should I have known this was a fluke?

search I shall,
For the more powerful me.

The one you wanted to bring out of me but I was too hardheaded to know what was being blessed to me.
The hard truths of life we must arise to.