Month: January 2016

A beautiful nightmare 

Now I’m searching something deeper than us

This plague you gave me to bear with you I freely obliged.

I thought that’s what love did.

I wanted to make you see the light

To help you with your inner peace

To be a listening ear when you need to talk 

To be your housing authority when you find you couldn’t go back home

A place we want to call love 

I’m being mistreated as a sacrifice for what’s greater

I’m hurting myself because your hurting yourself

I was a void you tried to fill

All along I was filling a void in your life

This wasn’t healthy to begin with.

Maybe we should have saw this coming 

Maybe we should have taken it slower

But now we are here and we have no hold on what’s tomorrow

This pain is so real.

I mean my nerves are rattling 

Running for my life on the treadmill

as if I need to get away from here

I need you so bad and I am so sorry for the words I’ve said 

I never meant to hurt you

I say things out of misery 

I need you to understand this 

I became addicted and you became missing 

So I filed a missing persons report then you call me to tell me your fine.

So how was it I wasn’t suppose to lose my mind?! 

You come and go as you please

And I’m sitting here on my knees 

Dying.

Crying .

You don’t understand what grief is until you inflict it on someone else

And I’m the one who is selfish.

What happen to us? 

There’s no words to describe this feeling so let me make an analogy.

You know how flowers grow?

Sunlight and water is all that they need to proposer. 

No additives such as promised futures and expected tomorrows 

Just water and sunlight.

Why couldn’t we be that?

We knew that…

The midnight zone 

Midnight zones

Where the most interesting creatures live

no light here only skins and bones.

Surpassing its sunlight zone even the twilight zones,

90% of us live in dark places.

Places we find hard to shake.

Feelings we find hard to take 

Habits we find hard to break.

This reminds me of our love. 

We were floating where the Dolphins show off their majestic acrobatic abilities and where the world saw us shine.

Shining like crystals offshore absorbing the light of yesterday and tomorrow.

What a beautiful place to be when you feel like you are floating on air. 

Especially with someone you know who will always be there.

You are tickled by the little jealous gestures of one another not knowing deep down something is happening.

Your falling into the twilight zone.

A more melancholic state.

Starting to doubt each other’s ability.

Trying to control the very part of what we try to let go off thus making these forced creatures to scurry for food. 

Trying to hold onto what was yesterday and not seeing how promising tomorrow is.

Both at fault but we dare not let those show because all we have is pride.

We were reaching for the skies in the sunlight zone and here we squint to see the light. 

Why couldn’t we both realize how important it was to preserve this? 

The grief of your yesterday keeps plaguing at you.

Our bond questioned by too many nights out partying by myself and we both know you can quite the inquisitor. 

Our wandering minds turned into forced miscommunication.

Saying words that weren’t meant but unfortunately they resonated. 

We didn’t realize the words that cut so deep we sunk into this place. 

This midnight zone. 

There’s no light here.

The calls stop coming.

The communication completely cut off.

This is where the lowest of low consciousness dwell on the past.

The basement.

Basking in memories we will never have again.

Losing our ability to live again.

We are losing here. 

The crying never stops. 

We find fault in everything but ourselves.

Or rather finding fault and killing ourselves because of it. 

The most malicious encounters reside here.

Situations such as not calling someone you love on their birthday. 

Telling someone you care for deeply you don’t want to keep all your eggs in one basket.

Mistake after mistake after mistake.

Not letting love lead the way.

We are dying because we can’t breathe here. 

There’s no air. 

And almost 90% of creatures live here.

What does that say about humanity?

We had a higher power remember?

That power being our souls. 

Letting our souls lead us to float back up to the sun.

But it is only if we allow it.

We can’t force anything on anyone or control anything that should be natural.

I only pray that you find your way back to me. 

But love, I can’t stay here.

The midnight zone is a devastation over and over again.

I have the ability to float back up to the top.

I need the God in me to lift me back up. 

I only hope you can follow suit.

Even if it’s without me.

Because that’s how much I love you.

I just want you to be happy.