A beautiful mirage 

I lost myself in you and now I don’t know what to do.I’m struggling for my identity.

This pain is too ensued

Self respect I lost trying to please you

I gain nothing in return not even a friendly birthday call.

Carelessness with the magnitude of my love I still was competing as if I saw the finish line.

I wanted it all.

However, I’m seeing I’m on the losing end.

No one tucking me in

No one saying they love me again

I guess I missed the signs

I should of been more stronger 

I should kept some things to myself

He controlled my every move

Now he treats me as such

What am I going to do

May God please give me my heart again

My strength to know I can walk again

I lost my religion because I prayed to him every night

The fuck was I thinking worshipping a mere sight

A beautiful mirage of what could have been.

Yes I made mistakes and you’ve made some too

But the emotional abuse isn’t for this muse

You shot me your manipulative intellect

You smelled my naively gullible ways

You took heed and burned down my walls

Now I’m exposed with no thought at all

I promise when I get past this I will forgive u for this all

Until then I’m drowning in a sea of sins

Sins you wanted me to bathe in 

Something I’m not use to doing because I’ve always been so independent.

What was I thinking about falling in love with a widower?

He already had his time maybe I should of looked for my own personalized love.

I saw your potential and saw I could possibly have a friend

But you used me and made me decorate in your own personal wins

Your always right and I am never enough.

I’m shouting and pleading for your attention

And you want me to worry about me.

How devastating.

 I gave myself away too easily.

I didn’t put a guard up

You shot me down.

You tracked me down and smelled a winner and saw that I was prey to wander with your self pitiful ways to make me feel like I was never ok.

I wish I kept my business to myself.

I wish I listen to my mother.

Perhaps we would be still living in bliss.

Or maybe not.

Maybe our true selves would have came out in other ways or whatnot.

Anywho I’m praying everyday I don’t die if he doesn’t call me each day.

So I’m turning to the energy of the world to please forgive me and please give me some way out.

Out of this maze he trapped me in.

He won and I’m alone.

He’s moving on and I’m trying not to kill myself to show him how much I loved him.

I know that sounds morbid but it’s true

I never want to wake back up if I didn’t have you.

Maybe he could smell this as a turn off

I see the weakness in me too I hope for a better tomorrow.

God heal us women who battle with these behaviors from men.

Help us understand our worth and protect what’s so precious within.

Help us find our voice and have him begging for us to be heard

Have me understand life isn’t over but these out lessons learned

Please show me life is so much more.

Because I’m dying. 

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