we have our faults, we have our frowns
we have our woes yet we have our smiles.
we have our faults, we have our frowns
we have our woes yet we have our smiles.
Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship
A safe place
Where you can be real with yourself,
To each other.
Judging each other character flaws
The ugly truths expose.
It’s cool because no one is perfect
And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.
Their words are important to you
So you gently listen to them
Correcting them for the intent for them to grow
A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.
A forgiving home.
A place where apologies is like the ocean.
Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,
Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.
A home where you are supported.
You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.
A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.
Then I woke up.
I look around and I see selfish self intended love…
Friends who only hit you up when they need something,
Friends who can’t keep their word,
Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,
Sisters who only care about their self.
I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.
I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.
I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…
I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,
The ones you need you don’t have anymore.
They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,
But when you lose a friend that feels like home,
Nothing is a win.
Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,
Hoping your days will get better.
For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,
How dare them you say.
The betrayal feels so real.
But the part we all forget is…
Did you see why they feel the way they do?
Did you receive a different perspective?
Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?
Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?
Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.
Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace
Combined like terms
And you get I.
With you it was a mistake gone right.
A cold case found
Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.
Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,
Lowly is the man who has nobody.
Friends forever broken down,
passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.
Our forever was momentarily infinite.
Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.
Creative mind ceased,
Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.
Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.
To know what it felt like.
Life ain’t so easy as they say
And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys
I was employed
To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.
You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,
I see the God in me,
All thanks to you.
Appreciation is an understatement
I appreciate this current present.
To love and be loved so perfectly aligned
I never could of dream of such sweetness.
The cause and effect.
Going through the dark to see the light.
You made it all possible.
I thank you for your wisdom.
This word love can be cemented in alpha like scenic areas
Pacing down yellow brick roads
recreated to see the colorful mixologist touches on exotic beverages
Or created to be a havoc in someone’s world
This word without action can show the most unfilling desires taking place,
Not realizing your more than a word you are in fact life.
And life is love
Love being four letters and four arguably representing the salt of the earth. Saltines for the hungry and ebsom salt for our aches and pains. Perhaps the salty looks we give when love recedes its questioning hairlines.
Or the salt we feel when we gave it our all and it still wasn’t enough.
Maybe the sea salt in the ocean to clear out some impurities in our temple.
To wash away the old and welcoming the new.
Perhaps remembering what was and embracing what is now.
Salt baths mixed with some fresh milk for purification.
Love is righteous.
The Deacon board somely swear the beauty of life in you is in all of us.
Kneed crackled kneecaps falling at the alter once remembering love lives in you when love have consistently failed you.
What to do?
Is your God listening or is your own God in you waiting to be woken up soon?
Pick a bed.
One that can be your gravely idled emotions soaking in a puddle of tears for someone you can’t save or a bed lovingly to have peace in knowing you loved yourself well enough to know tomorrow is a faith driven source you believe in.
In the meantime you grind for the love of the life you have.
Kicking down doors where ever you go because your self influence give others peace in you knowing you are power to be reckon with.
Love is power
telekinesis that feels those energetic sources deep down in your diaphragm reminding you he still lives there.
He gave you the power.
The love of your life that’s no longer here.
But granted he gave you something infinite you can take with you.
You might cry now but later you’ll see the blessing.
May God and Goddesses around the world know this beautiful spectrum of the greatest force known to man.
The power of love.
Soulfulness turning sour Love giving way to doubt..Best friends bewildered.I’m dying while you are apparently down south
Speaking of which I put my all in this.I still reserved the right to be free.Or so I thought.You were in full control.And now I’m lost in sorrow
Our higher selves can get past this.But we are deciding against this.Something or someone is holding you back.Something I knew I deserved I didn’t preserve.
So I wasn’t ready. I was in the learning stage.But you ran out of time.I should of knew better.I thought I gave it my all. I perhaps thought you put boundaries on this love.
But maybe boundaries are good. But suppression needs to expressed in healthier ways we can communicate about. But there’s a death silence.
And I’m dying inside with the ambiguity.And you seem like you are ok. But if your ok shouldn’t I also? I felt you in my soul as a reminder of the bond we shared.
Im remembering all of the endless conversations we had to come to this place.So beautiful and streamlined.When I’m with him I feel so complete. I am whole self.
Omission wasn’t in our paradigm script we wrote for each other.
Neither was infidelity
Neither was lack of careness
Neither was making each other feel this is conditional.
We both fell short.
This delusion behind it is great Yet the connection is stronger.
I just want to kiss and make up. You want your distance as if you had enough.I’m sad.My soulmate is missing in action.I really don’t know where to go next.Maybe he’ll come back to me
How do I move on? There are interested candidates.But I just want my one.The one that made me transform.
The one that let me in
The one that made me feel like I will win
The one I will forever feel confident in
The one I will always be in love with.
We took a chance on each other and now we have these days that feel long .My thoughts killing me.I’m not her I’m me.I’m sorry I wasn’t who you wanted me to be.I just love different.I thought my actions showed this.I thought you saw I would chose you regardless
I was never enough for you,
I kinda wish I never knew you,
But here we are here in this mess
This beautiful trash bag decorated in lies and mishaps.We could throw it out.Or we could recycle and leave our carbon footprint.
Honesty is the best policy.
Reaching our lovely highest point that we work so hard for, Instead of finding comfort in being reactionary.
I have questions. A lot of them.But I want to work on being more than my questions. I want to work on being more than my suspicions.I want to work on getting over the careless behaviors of this soulmate I feel deep down inside me.
I want to.
I also want to be smart. I want to get up and live again.I want to stop crying.I want to feel alive.
Optimism is cool to have in times like this but the reality is too perilous to resist.So I’m left here in a dire need of clarity.Time heals and perhaps me moving on will be the best bet.I can’t sleep and eat and I don’t believe you care to know this.
I’m so confused.
This beautiful mess.I feel like I’m being played.Should I listen to discernment or should I listen to my heart?
What a decision.
Please universe help me feel like a strong woman again.
Because this man you sent me absorb all of my energy. And I didn’t mind.Now I need to fend for me because he disappeared out of my life.I should of expected this since he is known for this.Yet I didn’t prepare properly for it.
This beautiful mess,
Show me what to do soon.I am qualified to be absolutely beautiful But these tears is revealing how weak I am.
I thought about him before me.I can’t even get him to call me anymore. I have to understand he might be gone for good. And yet I keep reaching out to him not getting the clue.This dependability is ridiculous.I lost myself in him and I’m looking to gain this back.
Please God show me what to do and soon.
I fell short now I’m alone with this soulmate that still has mine and ran with it without a care of how it would make me feel.
When I always put his feelings before me.
To be there though thick and thin yet he decided he couldn’t be there at all.
This feeling is all too familiar.
I am the circumstances I placed on myself.Maybe this is what he meant when he desired someone with self respect.
Now I choose to live again.With or without him.
To be strong again.With or without him.
To be free again.With or without him.
To know I am worthy of all things.To have a man come into my life and truly adore me enough to know he’ll love me to a unconditional level. To love to be intimate with me. To not place boundaries on what is true, to want to satisfy me In ways I’ll satisfy him, to be free in each other’s arms, to know he’s mine and not anyone else’s.To be primary and not feel like I’m second place.I’m worthy past this beautiful mess.
With or without you.
Our inner refugees are temporarily free when we kissOne can only see.
Our embrace will identify that we can save the world.
Or save ourselves.
The feeling of this drowning spirit I have waited a lifetime for,
your air feels so beautiful in all of my stable ways.
Two artists sharing a distant taste of ambiguity,
Yet finding congruency in one another.
So paint my canvas and decorate it as you see fit,
indulge in us while we pay homage while the candles are lit.
I’m addicted to the pain,
Wondering why I am attracted to the ones who doesn’t want to explore my mind but my body is optional for them.
I pick these men of valor who takes pride in what they have as their queen on their arm.
Yet I’m starting to feel like the peasant that they play with, throw crumbs at, and laugh to the sanctions of how naive she must is.
But in reality (in mine that is) I just love love.
Love the connection that intertwine two souls that become one,
Spiritual bonds as our temples are being explored.
I’m not sure if that’s the dictionary version of saying she’s gullible but I do know I’m feeling pretty restless.
When is it my turn to feel the undeniable touch of a person who desires forever with me?
More importantly, why must my internal state feel so lost without it?
Stevie wonder plays the soundtrack of my soul and yet I live a reality of being constantly turned down by the one I want to give my heart to.
Feeling overjoyed until I’m back where I started.
The plot is continuously congruent.
Where must I change at?
Where do I start?
God forgive me for being so lost.