#discernment

When sisterhood are homes…

Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship

A sisterhood

A safe place

Where you can be real with yourself,

To each other.

Judging each other character flaws

The ugly truths expose.

It’s cool because no one is perfect

And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.

Their words are important to you

So you gently listen to them

Correcting them for the intent for them to grow

Never diminishing.

A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.

A forgiving home.

A place where apologies is like the ocean.

Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,

Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.

A home where you are supported.

You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.

A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.

Then I woke up.

I look around and I see selfish self intended love…

Friends who only hit you up when they need something,

Friends who can’t keep their word,

Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,

Sisters who only care about their self.

I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.

I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.

I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…

I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,

The ones you need you don’t have anymore.

They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,

But when you lose a friend that feels like home,

Nothing is a win.

Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,

Hoping your days will get better.

For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,

How dare them you say.

The betrayal feels so real.

But the part we all forget is…

Did you see why they feel the way they do?

Did you receive a different perspective?

Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?

Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?

Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.

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No clue

I’m trying to figure out what I signed up for
Because I didn’t want to cause no harm
Your sweet words was the lure,
And the end result is my heart needs to mourn.

You have no clue what you did to me.
Your actions show that you have no love for me
How do you make me feel so free,
Then leave me to be?

Did you even see a future for us?
Or was I this play thing u felt compelled to lust?
How dare you request for trust,
When I’m alone looking at you being a happy family man somewhere else?

Karma is a bitch and you will see the raft of what she’ll do.
Don’t be mad when I pull a you on you.
See I’m fearfully and wonderfully made,
No ones sloppy seconds.
Maybe you’ll know that when you finally get a clue.

Sooner or later.

Sooner or later this will be obsolete.
Something I can look back on and say to myself how I have grown from this,
How I managed to stay on my feet.
Sooner or later I won’t be such the spy and go through archives that my eyes aren’t for and being an undisclosed creep.
Because my blood is beginning to seep.

Onto paper that is.
I can’t wait for the day I can laugh at my naivety and see how I have grown from this.
Looking back with my briefcase in hand carrying my success.
Sooner or later I can move on from the way I was dismissed.
How you left me for dead, dug my grave for me and kiss the casket and mumbled I will be sorrowfully missed.

Sooner or later I can get over this.
Like it was some sort of unrealistic goal I believed in
I thought I knew you were meant for me.
There goes my naive state again.
How dare I believe this to be true when I knew what I knew.
In essence I was set up for failure.
Your lies made me believe in hope.
And that word belief is more than what meets our lips.

Sooner or later, my consequences for my actions will be over.

Sooner or later I won’t dream of how life would be for us anymore.
How I can wake up and your finally not the first thought of my day.

Sooner or later I’ll stop kicking myself of the mistakes I made with us,
Or even wishing I didn’t even try it with us.
where were my standards?
I blame this open heart of mine.
Its always being taken advantage of.

Sooner or later, I’ll forgive myself.
Forgiving my past, the hurts associated with it, and the blame I use to make the poor decisions I make.

Sooner or later, I’ll take heed to what you taught me,
And I’ll blossom into that potential you said I didn’t even see in myself.

Sooner or later I’ll love myself.
Wholeheartedly and Un-byknowingly.

Sooner or later I’ll be careful of letting someone enter my spirit without asking God for discernment first.

Until then, I shall commence in this pain.
Killing myself,
Reminiscing on all of our beautiful memories we made.
Believing in this extinction,
As I completely know the truth.

Sooner or later, I hope to stop crying over you.