#emotional

The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

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On the flip side

On the flipside,Like the side of the spatula that’s clean. On the side of what we call deduction reasoning,how could you quantity what you believe? 

Mutually exclusivity, Singularity. 

I’m tired of these 20 minute love affairs, I make love continuously . Preserving, protecting, smiling at the thought of you.

Thoughtful touches, Kind affections, Lovely gestures.My weakness is being played against me in his circle of trust.On the flip side, there’s no rush.It’s about looking in the mirror to look into yourself.

This love transformed me, my realized self,I’m now exposed.No cover can hide this kind of vulnerability.

I’m lost in the woods looking at the trail to find my way back home.But I find myself following the moon,and I ended up here. So either side is one of the same.

Love endures. 

But on the flip side, the shit just dont make sense. 

Minding my hearts business

::I was just minding my hearts business and I realized I was wandering and somehow got lost in our moments.
You made love to my mind and left it outside for it to air dry though.
And now I have this new skill set of being patiently aware of the fact you love to live your life.
I can’t be mad at the fact you indulge in what we were called here to do. I can only be brave enough to do the same.
Because Interdependence is the ultimate bliss.

Barely there always air

A touch of air is all that’s really there
maybe you don’t understand your magnitude to be aware,
But the people u leave behind, their hearts are barely there,
Including mine.

I can’t say to stop the beautiful path you are on…
Because if I was brave enough to follow,
I want to leave footprints behind every walk you endured in a country unfamiliar so you’ll always know someone always has your back.
But let me not get too emotional.
We are taught to perform brain surgery on our feelings when we are at our worst.

I just want a positive outcome from our experience. But life gave you magma that even though it has the power to recreate, it’s still rock hard like the apathy you have adopted.

Your volatility meeting my stable calm.
My earthy senses gently feeling your air.

To just let go.

My emotional wreckage is set up like shiny new born babies coming down the birth canal squirming to get out yet the doctor states that the baby is breached.

My emotions are set up as if the ocean tides that are pulled by the sun gave way for the most rebellious surfer to try his hand at the great lengths this wave may take him only to find out he has to wait for the next one.

These tears keep falling down my face as if the past keeps repeating itself in vain and none of the hard work I put in to unlearn the pain and isolation of being seen and not heard was brought to life and as a result I feel like I can’t breathe. Suffocating into a revolting question mark.

And these words… These mere words I carry like a homeless person on 52nd and woodland holding on to their possessions; protecting it with their life knowing that this is all that they have and the memory of knowing that they had more channels an inner desire to make sure they’ll never let this bag go.

My heart. My heart succumbs to the devastation of men, men who I briefly see as an outlet yet to only later find out I just pick the ones who are designed and specializes in breaking the one organ I find life in.

So I hold my tongue. Afraid to be down to earth because my head is a space shuttle full of ambiguity that I’m sure no one could relate to because the jibbish dialect that tells my space cadet stories derives from being an offspring of a mother who rather smoke crack than take care of her 5 kids that all have different daddies. So I put myself in a state of reclusiveness knowing for sure no one will ever want to be be my friend yet alone wife up.

I’m currently alone in a bathroom, ass on the toilet hearing only the sound of me typing this and the air conditioner in the bedroom. And for the first time I can say I’m utterly sad.

Sad I never spoke up for myself. Sad I never had the courage to be the unique woman God has made me to be. Sad I was these different images that people wanted me to portray. Sad I never had the chance to properly tell the one person who truly love me goodbye. Sad I rely on the fictitious men to figure out my worth for me. Sad I can’t still come out of this shell I never knew even existed.

I just want to let go. Not die but fall off a bridge and fear nothing. Close my eyes and let everything just go.

I’ll never be the same.

Never knew I can be so indebted to this pain eating away at the place I’m hiding.
I’m slipping away so quietly no one knows I’m walking around here dying.
I thought I knew better, but I ended up not knowing I was in love.
But you never know what you got until it’s gone and I’m left sighing.

Erroneous gasps of breaths I take looking up at our moon.
Reminiscing how it once was ours knowing we were flying there soon.
Seeing was believing and It was felt through our elongated hugs.
Lying here with your wings on my back feeling like a crazy fool.

How didn’t I not believe in us?
How could I have so little trust?
You were my knight in shinny armor and preceptor,
And I was the one you saw as the light even when it was dusk.

I’ll never be the same.