#heartache

The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

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being someone’s else’s something…

Being someone else’s something 

Ain’t this shit sumthing
Being engrossed into another’s something
These bad habits ensued are contracting 
Why this side chick life must be condemned?
It ain’t like we know
Lord knows the connection we have will 
empower the most vigilant 
Understand the most broken heart hearted 
Pure love in its rarest form 
How can one deny it?
But being someone else’s something 
is like being in a bedroom with a full of nothing
No jazzy joe sample; no feeling a fathers touch 
Only itemizing the times when we are apart
Trying to ask God why this was even reason enough to start
God please heal these hearts
As I stalk I see the love someone has,
I don’t understand the home wrecker  life
But for this man, I just might.
We can all be one happy family if I can 
see this beauty he beholds is for my soul to see
I just want to see if  he the one for me.
See I haven’t had any interest with no one  until I last saw thee
So that tells me I miss him or he pulled
my energy besides thee.
Please understand the sidechicks life.
As it’s not something understanding
but something she isn’t willing to give up.
It’s so sad any day he can snap his fingers
and I’ll be there with my neck cock back  asking where this nigga been at…
Then emphasize on how much we just vibe and the connection being made stronger by opening our hearts more to each other.
We both come from a place of hurt
so we just wanna lick each other wounds.
I just wanna do Gods work.
What to do?
But I’m just someone else’s something
No substance for him to call
To see if I’m ok at all
No text to humor me 
No response to all the correspondence I’ve been sending him
So I’m just a sick chick as I can clearly see
to realize I’m alone in this battle..
The battle that has no vitality; no culture to grow 
Only hurt will reside here
Because I fell in love with a someone else’s something. 
So I died unconsciously. 

perhaps I will drown in your sea

Let’s make believe your deceiving foibles were forgiven so we can live peaceably again.

My austere character has backbend into an extremist when I hear from you.

You have escaped my destructive path of hurting myself.

I wanted to feel your pain so badly, I’ve falter myself to be a like minded mini me version of yourself.

Because the end result is that I will always love you. I put my all in this deep ocean yet I came up for air.

I’ll never be the same.

Never knew I can be so indebted to this pain eating away at the place I’m hiding.
I’m slipping away so quietly no one knows I’m walking around here dying.
I thought I knew better, but I ended up not knowing I was in love.
But you never know what you got until it’s gone and I’m left sighing.

Erroneous gasps of breaths I take looking up at our moon.
Reminiscing how it once was ours knowing we were flying there soon.
Seeing was believing and It was felt through our elongated hugs.
Lying here with your wings on my back feeling like a crazy fool.

How didn’t I not believe in us?
How could I have so little trust?
You were my knight in shinny armor and preceptor,
And I was the one you saw as the light even when it was dusk.

I’ll never be the same.

Digression

How can I digress with this…
You are all that I remisimise,
The beautiful sun kissed me,
Yet your not here to view my shadowy distance,
Or contingent foot steps we so adherently walk to the path to destiny.
I feel lost.
Your not here.
You much rather be in the comfort of your own culture, nurtured by your own mother.
You see me and think you don’t see a tomorrow…
something thats not true yet you believe deep in your marrows…
And I can’t live in sorrow.
See I believe in cupid’s arrows
Daggers thrown around me but didn’t capture the essence of me.
Experience was my best teacher,
And you need to realize a heart breaker can come as light as a feather,
Gullible gestures to make my energy a pantheon species living on this earth,
I can become either.
So Please don’t bother.
I love you deeply but I refuse to an option.
Your joyous ability to lean against agility has left me on the ropes, hoping and believing in your serenity.
Why couldn’t you have the ability to save me?

Normalcy?

Lovers missing option for the sake of intimacy.
Why must we forsake the very thing we see as destiny?
Is this just a sex thing or could this be what my gut says?
Or maybe its my over active imagination being indulged in normalcy…

I wanna love you to it’s core.
I want to show you I am able to be that beautiful woman you need and more.
But I’m holding back.
I can’t give you my all until I feel like its worth it,
Please don’t be just a lore…
Anyone can lay down with you and make beautiful love
But can you wake up knowing that you can be with that person forever?
Do you feel like that with me?
Or is this just a sex thing?

I don’t want this to end.
I do know I am perfectly capable of the incipient of the beauty we found in each other.
I just want to be beautiful in your eyes.
I want us to make music that is focus on dedication and pleasing .
Please keep my heart safe and take your time sweetie.

Are you with someone else right now?
Or should I be ashamed of the jealously I feel ingrained in me?
maybe its finally time to put a bandage on my painful past and simply act my age.
Lets end this war.
I won’t hurt you.
The only armor you’ll ever need with me is a pillow and your arms around me that keeps me safe.
Most importantly, realize you can’t be no one but yourself with me and because of that,
Dont save me, just stay beside me.

Dim the Christmas lights

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Your beauty and all its allies can go ahead and break my heart if that is your intention or rather bad judgment call….but either way I’m gone.
Have long gone to live on Pluto but some say it’s no longer there so lemme try to actualize this.
Your Christmas lights brightens the innermost secrets I hold on for dear life. These same lights give my soul hands. As I hold your spirit as a present, you shimmy to my sha-shay. Ill twirl around our Christmas tree to have your lights simply watch me dance.
See, you take me to this universe that’s heavenly yet vile.
A little this and that.
My virtues are your very vices and just like that these same Christmas lights in your eyes are more serene but now became dim.
Yet and still your light in my life is beaming and inspiring the lost.
So now my newly fond disenchanted eyes are looking out of this window, trying to figure it all out.
…..or rather dying by each second…. rattling my mind as I fumble with a good enough excuse to justify why I would never leave you.
You’re hanging onto my very weakness and these Christmas lights are now my life’s melancholy.