#love

The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

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Shattered glass and broken ceilings 

Poured my heart out in Santa Fe in Tulum, Where I let my feelings out that I left at bay

I wrote poems my whole life about love 

And I was blessed to be granted with it and I have no idea what to say.
I played with something I knew I needed my whole life

As I let my sins wash away with the sand I tear up understanding his strife

There’s no excuse I just didn’t act right.

Right in his eyes.

I wonder if true forgiveness is allowed here

Or if we will ever get back to where we were.

Man I’m such a dumb one.

The only person that saw my stars.

And saw the brightest one and named it after me

I was too busy being selfish not realizing how love was suppose to be 

Nourishing, respecting, cherishing, everything you would want someone to do for you you do for them.

I shattered the glass.

I look out to this setting sun and I just hurt. 

The bones weary for knowing what would be the outcome of my mistakes.

Will I ever get this blessing again?

Will this only be my last time experiencing true love like this?

Or was this a training course to something in the future? 

I’m not sure.

I just wish I didn’t get to see the sand wash away my feet in this ocean.

Pulling away the tides but it still left these feelings.

Empty feelings knowing nothing I can now say and do will make a difference. 

Sun is set and know we are left with broken ceilings.

The midnight zone 

Midnight zones

Where the most interesting creatures live

no light here only skins and bones.

Surpassing its sunlight zone even the twilight zones,

90% of us live in dark places.

Places we find hard to shake.

Feelings we find hard to take 

Habits we find hard to break.

This reminds me of our love. 

We were floating where the Dolphins show off their majestic acrobatic abilities and where the world saw us shine.

Shining like crystals offshore absorbing the light of yesterday and tomorrow.

What a beautiful place to be when you feel like you are floating on air. 

Especially with someone you know who will always be there.

You are tickled by the little jealous gestures of one another not knowing deep down something is happening.

Your falling into the twilight zone.

A more melancholic state.

Starting to doubt each other’s ability.

Trying to control the very part of what we try to let go off thus making these forced creatures to scurry for food. 

Trying to hold onto what was yesterday and not seeing how promising tomorrow is.

Both at fault but we dare not let those show because all we have is pride.

We were reaching for the skies in the sunlight zone and here we squint to see the light. 

Why couldn’t we both realize how important it was to preserve this? 

The grief of your yesterday keeps plaguing at you.

Our bond questioned by too many nights out partying by myself and we both know you can quite the inquisitor. 

Our wandering minds turned into forced miscommunication.

Saying words that weren’t meant but unfortunately they resonated. 

We didn’t realize the words that cut so deep we sunk into this place. 

This midnight zone. 

There’s no light here.

The calls stop coming.

The communication completely cut off.

This is where the lowest of low consciousness dwell on the past.

The basement.

Basking in memories we will never have again.

Losing our ability to live again.

We are losing here. 

The crying never stops. 

We find fault in everything but ourselves.

Or rather finding fault and killing ourselves because of it. 

The most malicious encounters reside here.

Situations such as not calling someone you love on their birthday. 

Telling someone you care for deeply you don’t want to keep all your eggs in one basket.

Mistake after mistake after mistake.

Not letting love lead the way.

We are dying because we can’t breathe here. 

There’s no air. 

And almost 90% of creatures live here.

What does that say about humanity?

We had a higher power remember?

That power being our souls. 

Letting our souls lead us to float back up to the sun.

But it is only if we allow it.

We can’t force anything on anyone or control anything that should be natural.

I only pray that you find your way back to me. 

But love, I can’t stay here.

The midnight zone is a devastation over and over again.

I have the ability to float back up to the top.

I need the God in me to lift me back up. 

I only hope you can follow suit.

Even if it’s without me.

Because that’s how much I love you.

I just want you to be happy.

this flesh on my skin…. 

This flesh on my skin is the allure of the sins we digress to

Not to mention I’m fully aware

But his soft voice in my inner walls whisper gospels

The beauty of being found.

And I understand why we all feel lost 

You found everything you need
Yet you must suppress 

Yet you must digest 

But you must repress
That overwhelming feeling

we identify as love

Because options are invasive for him

Justifications are merely opinionated objections to let you know that “gem” isn’t mutual.
So you go back to your cubit corners 

to be as monotonous as you can

Because going outside of your own walls gets you nowhere

Or perhaps those walls are the unknown we didn’t realize existed.
See I’m just a girl searching for the truth.

And your lunar stages are all of my moons.

So I just want to be your orbit.
Seem my mind is blown when I found the reason why we live through our kiss.

So that flesh on my skin,

So chocolately and smooth,

That cold heart that touches mine when we take our clothes off,

Searching for our souls by each stroke we attempt to find the truth.

Searching for the answer by each hug we embrace ourselves in.
Yet we are dying of thirst.

We need to revive our past and the energy we placed our present in needs to be retrieved.  

That’s the essence of a glass of water.
But until then, we’ll figure it out.

Because this skin on my skin means I just relapse 

And I’m fully aware of it too…

Living in my dreams

My love,

I gave you a hug and u in return gave me a dove.
Something that symbolized for me to fly away but I didn’t know how.
Stuck on your roves
Not knowing where we were going
But somewhere in between your smile
and back rubs I thought I saw you as the one.

But, however and nevertheless are commenced to be inserted here because once again I’m living in my dreams.

To just let go.

My emotional wreckage is set up like shiny new born babies coming down the birth canal squirming to get out yet the doctor states that the baby is breached.

My emotions are set up as if the ocean tides that are pulled by the sun gave way for the most rebellious surfer to try his hand at the great lengths this wave may take him only to find out he has to wait for the next one.

These tears keep falling down my face as if the past keeps repeating itself in vain and none of the hard work I put in to unlearn the pain and isolation of being seen and not heard was brought to life and as a result I feel like I can’t breathe. Suffocating into a revolting question mark.

And these words… These mere words I carry like a homeless person on 52nd and woodland holding on to their possessions; protecting it with their life knowing that this is all that they have and the memory of knowing that they had more channels an inner desire to make sure they’ll never let this bag go.

My heart. My heart succumbs to the devastation of men, men who I briefly see as an outlet yet to only later find out I just pick the ones who are designed and specializes in breaking the one organ I find life in.

So I hold my tongue. Afraid to be down to earth because my head is a space shuttle full of ambiguity that I’m sure no one could relate to because the jibbish dialect that tells my space cadet stories derives from being an offspring of a mother who rather smoke crack than take care of her 5 kids that all have different daddies. So I put myself in a state of reclusiveness knowing for sure no one will ever want to be be my friend yet alone wife up.

I’m currently alone in a bathroom, ass on the toilet hearing only the sound of me typing this and the air conditioner in the bedroom. And for the first time I can say I’m utterly sad.

Sad I never spoke up for myself. Sad I never had the courage to be the unique woman God has made me to be. Sad I was these different images that people wanted me to portray. Sad I never had the chance to properly tell the one person who truly love me goodbye. Sad I rely on the fictitious men to figure out my worth for me. Sad I can’t still come out of this shell I never knew even existed.

I just want to let go. Not die but fall off a bridge and fear nothing. Close my eyes and let everything just go.