#mistakes

When sisterhood are homes…

Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship

A sisterhood

A safe place

Where you can be real with yourself,

To each other.

Judging each other character flaws

The ugly truths expose.

It’s cool because no one is perfect

And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.

Their words are important to you

So you gently listen to them

Correcting them for the intent for them to grow

Never diminishing.

A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.

A forgiving home.

A place where apologies is like the ocean.

Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,

Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.

A home where you are supported.

You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.

A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.

Then I woke up.

I look around and I see selfish self intended love…

Friends who only hit you up when they need something,

Friends who can’t keep their word,

Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,

Sisters who only care about their self.

I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.

I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.

I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…

I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,

The ones you need you don’t have anymore.

They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,

But when you lose a friend that feels like home,

Nothing is a win.

Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,

Hoping your days will get better.

For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,

How dare them you say.

The betrayal feels so real.

But the part we all forget is…

Did you see why they feel the way they do?

Did you receive a different perspective?

Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?

Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?

Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.

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The midnight zone 

Midnight zones

Where the most interesting creatures live

no light here only skins and bones.

Surpassing its sunlight zone even the twilight zones,

90% of us live in dark places.

Places we find hard to shake.

Feelings we find hard to take 

Habits we find hard to break.

This reminds me of our love. 

We were floating where the Dolphins show off their majestic acrobatic abilities and where the world saw us shine.

Shining like crystals offshore absorbing the light of yesterday and tomorrow.

What a beautiful place to be when you feel like you are floating on air. 

Especially with someone you know who will always be there.

You are tickled by the little jealous gestures of one another not knowing deep down something is happening.

Your falling into the twilight zone.

A more melancholic state.

Starting to doubt each other’s ability.

Trying to control the very part of what we try to let go off thus making these forced creatures to scurry for food. 

Trying to hold onto what was yesterday and not seeing how promising tomorrow is.

Both at fault but we dare not let those show because all we have is pride.

We were reaching for the skies in the sunlight zone and here we squint to see the light. 

Why couldn’t we both realize how important it was to preserve this? 

The grief of your yesterday keeps plaguing at you.

Our bond questioned by too many nights out partying by myself and we both know you can quite the inquisitor. 

Our wandering minds turned into forced miscommunication.

Saying words that weren’t meant but unfortunately they resonated. 

We didn’t realize the words that cut so deep we sunk into this place. 

This midnight zone. 

There’s no light here.

The calls stop coming.

The communication completely cut off.

This is where the lowest of low consciousness dwell on the past.

The basement.

Basking in memories we will never have again.

Losing our ability to live again.

We are losing here. 

The crying never stops. 

We find fault in everything but ourselves.

Or rather finding fault and killing ourselves because of it. 

The most malicious encounters reside here.

Situations such as not calling someone you love on their birthday. 

Telling someone you care for deeply you don’t want to keep all your eggs in one basket.

Mistake after mistake after mistake.

Not letting love lead the way.

We are dying because we can’t breathe here. 

There’s no air. 

And almost 90% of creatures live here.

What does that say about humanity?

We had a higher power remember?

That power being our souls. 

Letting our souls lead us to float back up to the sun.

But it is only if we allow it.

We can’t force anything on anyone or control anything that should be natural.

I only pray that you find your way back to me. 

But love, I can’t stay here.

The midnight zone is a devastation over and over again.

I have the ability to float back up to the top.

I need the God in me to lift me back up. 

I only hope you can follow suit.

Even if it’s without me.

Because that’s how much I love you.

I just want you to be happy.

The crumbs of our mistakes.

I can’t deal.
My feelings aren’t up for an appeal.
So they sit in this jail cell until they are serve its next meal.

What an obligation I have towards them.
See you can’t help who you love, and that’s the essence of it.
Don’t know what to do with these woes so I (try) to ignore them by playing games.
The same games that keeps our emotions caged.

If I crafted the words that the correctional officers dictated for me to leave this alone,
I could make a fishers net so you’ll always know theirs more of them in the sea…
However I’m someone you can call home.
Yet and still I have this detainer on my soul.
No entry to your goodness because you saw a leach on my phone,
Too worrisome of what my friends thought now Ill be living a dormant life on my own.

And I know what I can do to bring you to your knees.
I’m just not needed.
See God gave us eyes for us to see,
And I saw life on the outside through your docile spirit.
I just needed to be release by you simply giving me the keys…
I wake up thinking about your candor and I light up as if I see a way through this…
But then I see in this bed its only me…

When do commissary come?
Maybe I can write you again to make you finally feel undone.
I know I can, I just been doubting this love.
When I get out, the first thing I want to do is birth you a son.
To show the world what magic looks like,
To finally build us on a foundation that comes from our crumbs.
The crumbs of our mistakes.

From the chains that are on my feet,
To the crown of your head to the soul of your own feat.
I will stay in this confined area until I know we can go to trial with no chance of defeat.

my love,
You taught me how to be a woman.
Wait for me, I’ll be out soon.