#pain

When sisterhood are homes…

Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship

A sisterhood

A safe place

Where you can be real with yourself,

To each other.

Judging each other character flaws

The ugly truths expose.

It’s cool because no one is perfect

And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.

Their words are important to you

So you gently listen to them

Correcting them for the intent for them to grow

Never diminishing.

A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.

A forgiving home.

A place where apologies is like the ocean.

Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,

Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.

A home where you are supported.

You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.

A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.

Then I woke up.

I look around and I see selfish self intended love…

Friends who only hit you up when they need something,

Friends who can’t keep their word,

Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,

Sisters who only care about their self.

I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.

I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.

I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…

I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,

The ones you need you don’t have anymore.

They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,

But when you lose a friend that feels like home,

Nothing is a win.

Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,

Hoping your days will get better.

For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,

How dare them you say.

The betrayal feels so real.

But the part we all forget is…

Did you see why they feel the way they do?

Did you receive a different perspective?

Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?

Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?

Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.

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The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

Shattered glass and broken ceilings 

Poured my heart out in Santa Fe in Tulum, Where I let my feelings out that I left at bay

I wrote poems my whole life about love 

And I was blessed to be granted with it and I have no idea what to say.
I played with something I knew I needed my whole life

As I let my sins wash away with the sand I tear up understanding his strife

There’s no excuse I just didn’t act right.

Right in his eyes.

I wonder if true forgiveness is allowed here

Or if we will ever get back to where we were.

Man I’m such a dumb one.

The only person that saw my stars.

And saw the brightest one and named it after me

I was too busy being selfish not realizing how love was suppose to be 

Nourishing, respecting, cherishing, everything you would want someone to do for you you do for them.

I shattered the glass.

I look out to this setting sun and I just hurt. 

The bones weary for knowing what would be the outcome of my mistakes.

Will I ever get this blessing again?

Will this only be my last time experiencing true love like this?

Or was this a training course to something in the future? 

I’m not sure.

I just wish I didn’t get to see the sand wash away my feet in this ocean.

Pulling away the tides but it still left these feelings.

Empty feelings knowing nothing I can now say and do will make a difference. 

Sun is set and know we are left with broken ceilings.

Because my friend, it’s rare.

As the stars hit the sky,
I find myself memorizing every sound of each bypassing car corner the street I reside on,
I also go out to look around to see any part of you in the miscellaneous crowds.
Why did you leave me alone like this?
What did I do so wrong to deserve this?
Are you feeling the same hurt I disguised myself in?
Where tears merely are an essence of the beautiful scent your surmounted in?
And as I touch my nose to see if my senses are indeed working, I can’t help but to wonder,
Why didn’t we foster that perfect rose?
To be picked out so badly out of the millions,
And escape in our world to freely run with each other.
As souls touched, just like ours clung to,
I wonder how us humans can ignore such a feeling.
That is what make us fools.
And as I grow older and wiser,
I now know to warmly welcome the likes of beautiful people like you.
Because my friend, it’s rare.

I love you too…

I love you too…

Sighs.

I’m not sure why we say this word without any remorse.
You touched my heart.
Going to sleep is a nightmare because I know I won’t see you tomorrow.
I was played.
But the game taught me well.

I shall propel forward and leave this behind
Besides he’s not here to dry my eyes.
From the same eyes he made beautiful only for him.
And i loved it because I love me some him.

But I know I need to love me more.
I need to know I have a lot more to offer….
seek and I shall find
But this is all from the inspiration you have given me,
And I’m in love with you.

So I have to go find my more powerful self.
The more peaceful side.

Change will come where only you and me can hear our heart beat; while you have me on the kitchen counter understanding why I lie.

Trying to understand who I am.
Wanting to be in my world.

Sighs.

Your so different. You touched my soul.
I have to manage to act like this never happened?

Do I know what time it is?

Should I have known this was a fluke?

search I shall,
For the more powerful me.

The one you wanted to bring out of me but I was too hardheaded to know what was being blessed to me.
The hard truths of life we must arise to.

The cries of horror

Can’t cry because tears are made for the incompetent
What once was isn’t
We act like strangers and I have no control over the wails that are simultaneously overwhelming.
In front of you I play the tough guy role,
However, underneath the womb lies vulnerability.
And I become stagnant.
Believing this will change and you’ll find your way back,
but you told me what time it is.
And the ground shakes.
This earthquake has demolish my soul.
I wish the death of favor on you.
I have harden my heart.
There’s so much tension between us, you can sharpen your saw.
My life is tirelessly moving forward with the heartache of a liar.
You lied to me.
You said we were soulmates.
No more sweet songs for me.
You have move on to the next.
And I lie in this blood of horror.

Mourning the loss

I went back to the place where I found the only thing that made my heart move.
The feeling of butterflies being true and finding the love inside your arms was now my muse.
I came back to our tree where I looked for our footsteps that paved our once upon a time destiny.
We found each other souls which transcended us into mates.
Something so rare now is a travesty…
We don’t feel the way we once did and now I’m alone where it all began…
to mourn this loss.
A loss of love.
A loss of us.
I lost a part of my soul.
And I’ll leave it here for you to hold.
Because if we ever meet again, I would want it to be here.
This magical destination that left us breathless.
We were speechless but all our thoughts were so clear.
We found true, undeniable love.
And that’s why I came back here.
To see where we went wrong…
And to mourn this lost…
Clear depicted memories of you holding me in your arms and showing me something I have never felt before.
The internal self so exclaimed because she and I both know this was something so real and it gave me permission to finally let go.
And Let God.
By My God, where has it gone?
I look at him and died on the inside.
I love him so much all I can do is just cry…
His beautiful wings gave me the sweetest permission to fly…
And I soared into the sky, got scared and your wings dissipated and I withered and died.
Now I’m back here trying to pretend I can move on..
And being something your not falls short of carrying on.
So I carry this heartache on my back while listening to all our songs.
Dedications to one anther to solidify our bond.
Or as you may call it our divine tranquility…
I have to carry this pain to some sort of sanctuary…
Because what we thought was so interconnected is now arbitrary.
We replaced magic for normalcy…
Our embrace now only work related, our glances to one another searching for our once was.
And our heartfelt connections are now the distant memory of our love.
So that’s why I came back here, to feel the once was, of that true indicator we both knew to be real.
And now I can’t describe in words of the anguish my mind body and soul feels.
So I mourn this loss and with that said, ill leave our evanescence here.

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