#peaceofmind

When sisterhood are homes…

Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship

A sisterhood

A safe place

Where you can be real with yourself,

To each other.

Judging each other character flaws

The ugly truths expose.

It’s cool because no one is perfect

And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.

Their words are important to you

So you gently listen to them

Correcting them for the intent for them to grow

Never diminishing.

A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.

A forgiving home.

A place where apologies is like the ocean.

Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,

Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.

A home where you are supported.

You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.

A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.

Then I woke up.

I look around and I see selfish self intended love…

Friends who only hit you up when they need something,

Friends who can’t keep their word,

Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,

Sisters who only care about their self.

I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.

I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.

I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…

I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,

The ones you need you don’t have anymore.

They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,

But when you lose a friend that feels like home,

Nothing is a win.

Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,

Hoping your days will get better.

For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,

How dare them you say.

The betrayal feels so real.

But the part we all forget is…

Did you see why they feel the way they do?

Did you receive a different perspective?

Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?

Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?

Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.

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The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

What I saw is what I became.

The moon slightly new. The dawn coming soon, I see myself in the mirror and what I see is you.

I remember your gestures, right down to how you maneuver.Initially thought obscurity, you gently gave me a tour to your heart and how it’s shattered.

I went to your brain and saw how it’s assessed. I went to your spleen and saw the rage. you guided me to your darkness and I realized I didn’t pack a lunch. 

What I saw is what I became.Energy transference complete.You won I am defeated.With the greatest of psychedelic chemistry, you gave me your misery.I gladly took it with hopes I could see you shine like a mystic,Centerfold catalogs is where I saw you belong. 

my place in your life was to show you love is infinite. 

We both deserved each other.

Or perhaps it was preparation to induce more pain in you so you can heal properly.

Be one again.
Even the most ambitious must be aware some things are simply out of reach.I couldn’t get to you in time.

“Blame it on my youth.”

You slip out of my hands.No one caught me when I was falling off the ledge. You weren’t my savior yet you never intended to hurt me.

This end result is a hard laboring crime.
Up all night seeing our bodies intertwine in the dark as I mercifully watch my bed we made love in. “Where our souls danced.” The same bed you felt guilty in. The same bedding I drowned my tears in afraid that overdose was welcoming my death.

the death of a heaven sent union shattered by words and actions and pride and selfishness.

It didn’t have to be like this.But it is.

I ponder over numbers.I see soliloquies of the memories. I hear tale telling footsteps. I scream at the idiosyncrasies.

Yet and still you’ll be the one I would never understand. Until you uncover your belief in me. I can only dream you are marinating on the same thoughts.

Just as I still feel the deepest part of me tugging to be with you soon. 

 Another part is praying to never be in the likes of someone to use me as their crutch for self serving reasons.

Reasons and seasons.

Time is the illusion.

Let’s mind our mindfulness. 

Like a dummy…

Like a dummy, she’s on hold…
Like a dummy, she waits for him.
She offers her everything to the table
He brags about the tablecloth on it
She feels offended
He could care less.
Like a dummy, she receives no reply
He’s laughing with his friends as if she is no worry.
She feels ashamed.
She talks so highly of him.
Yet her tears are masked by the rain
He takes her for granted.
She takes herself for granted.
Self love is in order…
She sold herself short
He gladly took her offer
Now she feels nothing.
As if she knew this was going to happen
In which it did.
Female intuition is one hell of power
Yet she feels powerless.
Like a dummy, she is hanging on his every word
And like the beautiful charmer you are,
You allow her to imagine this feigned world.
Without putting yourself in it with her.
And like a dummy, she is still waiting for you to call….
As if she knew this could be the end.
Actions will always speak louder than words.
So she’ll go have fun.
She’ll no longer short change herself.
She might miss an amazing journey,
But refuses to see its destination.
Nothing is more peaceful than security.
You provide none.
Like a dummy, she cried last night.
You seem to not care.
Your not reaching out to her.
Like a dummy she looks at her phone and stare.
Vacant looks into space questioning herself where did she go wrong.
She sees clarity,
she now know he was the prototype.
And as beautiful as this was,
She knows being a dummy is like not having a backbone.
So she’ll have fortitude.
She’ll make it through.
You are beautiful.
Yet your a mirage
Thank you for allowing her to see
That your love is not for me…