#thoughts

The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

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What a ride 

I finally got over the fear and hopped on the roller coaster of falling in love with you. What a pleasure to see this celestial state we we’re in every time I looked into your eyes. 
What a loop to loop of the electrifying flip flopping that occurs in the pit of my stomach to remind me every time how much I would love to preserve this. 

Your tender kindness keeps me bounded to my seat when I see what centripetal forces of life has. And through the differences that we have, we know it’s natural to experience friction as long as we are confident in knowing what we have will last. 

But inertia happens. I didn’t bother to put on a seat belt because your love made me feel secure, and I knew this for sure. 

It made me feel like chai tea, warming my heart from this cold world.

And free, 

Your love set me free and remind me to always be me,

To always know I have a friend that loves me unconditionally.

Words were said and neither of us knew how powerful they could resonate. Now I’m scared it’s now only me fighting for us to stay in love.

Afraid you may have left this ride without giving me the proper warning signs before we started. 

Alone in the dark questioning if I am still your beacon in the dark,

Afraid I may one day could lose a best friend I found in you.

It’s sickening my heart.

This December cold 

December cold brings on this aesthetic soul as crazy psyche behaviors caught in a web are traveling down unknown roads.A feeling of pain resonates here.
The chill factor is below zero matching my eye reaching soul windows.In dire need of a superhuman hero,

No one comes to save this day.So there is this bathroom mirror.

Acting by day and troubled by night,this December cold is going to rock me to sleep at night.

Not mentally feeling too well but my third eye still has its sight.The eerie feeling that I’m being put at bay until we reach new heights.

Searching for my soul to be fed, I find comfort in the food of thought.

Is this world really worth my energy? Do we all need love like we say we do? Is there really someone out there with the purest of hearts?

As I continuously feel this subconscious pain in my diaphragm as if it’s a board full of darts,I wonder if I’m carrying the worlds pain with me or just my own.

This December cold is one chilly one, living out my dreams out as if I finally won,yet the tears in my eyes feels like I lost a big one. 

Praying I get out this season alive for only this universe knows my truest intentions,therefore I should trust it will work its way out of me. 

Until then I must bear this cold on my own, this tragic lonely feeling of knowing I’m all by myself is a little frightening.

A room full of people and I look around and only see a distance.

My scarf securely fastened around my neck from frostbitten individuals, I try to discern what’s right. 

Love at masterful heights

I came across a feeling so captivatingI came across a love so pure,

The innocence of resistance,the guilty pleasure of you.

I came across a love so involved.
Communication levels high and the Creator protecting our words.

The essence of letting your guard down is seen in your infinite eyes.

I came across an emotion so engulfed. I believe in the space that is provided for us to be ourselves.

This miraculously new feeling I never felt before, The same feeling I knew I needed my whole life.

So beloved. 
So streamlined,

So beautiful,

So free.

I came across you and these points I made doesn’t encapsulate the path I have found.
  

the yearning 

At the end of the day,I feel as though 

All I have to say

Is that closer is the way to birth

is a real truth we have innated in our 

own reasoning where it’s isolated.
Frozen for the public but it runs free.

When we are in solitude,

we only trust ourselves.

We fear other humans will transpose

that innerself, 

that little do we know, our intellect must follow asymptotic beliefs.
Following patterns of infinite possibilities.

The possibility of knowing you know

of eternity.

I’m willing to let go to find its way back.

You inspired me to do so.

Like a mini me version of you

Trying to figure out your flaws

So I can be your strength.
I only want you.

There’s nothing more to say

Even when you see meteoroids surpassing

the Kuiper belt I want you to know I won’t be Pluto,

I want to be your isotope.

Occupying that same place.

Stability you can always come home to.

Home will be here.
I yearn for your air.

The very thing that makes me free.

I fly in your arms.

I breathe as if it’s coming from my diaphragm.
Your so amazing.

I wish I can tell you these things to your face.

But I’m always being replaced,

so it’s me in the corner of that party people tend to ignore to follow through with.
Not thinking less of myself

But knowing fully aware I’m just different than most.

I have a genuine love.

It’ll never change, I want to know people 

feel complete knowing someone understands

Even when no one elses
 

@lucianithepoet

We all want to be found

As I see him sleeping,
So gracefully,

So full of his curiosity,

I wonder if my words resonated,

I want to know if he even cares to listen,

My friends say let it go,

He doesn’t care,

Yet my spirit says bring your healing 

hands to him, he might need them.

I don’t know.

That nebulous feeling of feeling 

unwanted.

Or not.

I’m not too sure, however I feel so lost 

when not in your presence.

To know this feeling is all you need.

It’s so forbidden,

It’s so unadulterated,

It’s so uncanny,

But in its inception, we both can’t deny

the feeling of wanting each other so 

bad,

That we do make paint dry,

We make the walls shake,

Look at me baby,

In my eyes is pure desire.

I want to satisfy you,

Please save me.

We all want to be found.

my dad’s brush

This brush reminds me of some things about you,

How you’ll brush your wisdom towards the front and made sure all of our shoe laces were intrinsically tied, how you would brush the flem off of us when we cried.

This brush reminds me of all the times you came and showed up to save our emotional lives, as we were eternally dying and knowing naturally we weren’t born yet you held us so strong as a father would do anyway. 

Never reminding us we were different because you accepted the challenge to love us more than. Replacing the fatherless individuals who decided to give up on us. 

The pain would temporarily subside because you allowed us to live free and creatively get by.

This brush reminds me of the times you’ll allowed me to experiment on your hair line, as if you believe I was made up of magic and I could do anything if I put my mind to it.

Your subtlety brought joy in our lives while you enjoyed kids being innocent and let our imaginations run wild.

You never once interrupted that.

How we would imitate our favorite wrestlers moves and you’ll sit back and laugh at our noticeably novice groves.

You allowed us to be free. Free from the pain and heartache that occurred upstairs. You freed us from feeling dismayed when rejected by our own. You freed us dad there’s nothing more to say.

So every time I brush my own hair with the brush you used,

I feel like I’m still apart of you.I still feel the same spirits we both caught in church together, the same feeling of you allowing me to sleep on your shoulder when life became boring for me.

The same feeling when you cried and told me how much you love me as a daughter.

The same feeling when you showed up at my basketball game and the same feeling of infinity.

Infinite gestures to indicate through everything I always had you to rely on.

What a hard day to go through where this is the day you celebrate your father and I have no one to turn to.

I love you so much dad and this brush, the only piece of physical memory I have, reminds me of you.