#time

When sisterhood are homes…

Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship

A sisterhood

A safe place

Where you can be real with yourself,

To each other.

Judging each other character flaws

The ugly truths expose.

It’s cool because no one is perfect

And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.

Their words are important to you

So you gently listen to them

Correcting them for the intent for them to grow

Never diminishing.

A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.

A forgiving home.

A place where apologies is like the ocean.

Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,

Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.

A home where you are supported.

You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.

A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.

Then I woke up.

I look around and I see selfish self intended love…

Friends who only hit you up when they need something,

Friends who can’t keep their word,

Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,

Sisters who only care about their self.

I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.

I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.

I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…

I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,

The ones you need you don’t have anymore.

They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,

But when you lose a friend that feels like home,

Nothing is a win.

Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,

Hoping your days will get better.

For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,

How dare them you say.

The betrayal feels so real.

But the part we all forget is…

Did you see why they feel the way they do?

Did you receive a different perspective?

Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?

Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?

Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.

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The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

this flesh on my skin….¬†

This flesh on my skin is the allure of the sins we digress to

Not to mention I’m fully aware

But his soft voice in my inner walls whisper gospels

The beauty of being found.

And I understand why we all feel lost 

You found everything you need
Yet you must suppress 

Yet you must digest 

But you must repress
That overwhelming feeling

we identify as love

Because options are invasive for him

Justifications are merely opinionated objections to let you know that “gem” isn’t mutual.
So you go back to your cubit corners 

to be as monotonous as you can

Because going outside of your own walls gets you nowhere

Or perhaps those walls are the unknown we didn’t realize existed.
See I’m just a girl searching for the truth.

And your lunar stages are all of my moons.

So I just want to be your orbit.
Seem my mind is blown when I found the reason why we live through our kiss.

So that flesh on my skin,

So chocolately and smooth,

That cold heart that touches mine when we take our clothes off,

Searching for our souls by each stroke we attempt to find the truth.

Searching for the answer by each hug we embrace ourselves in.
Yet we are dying of thirst.

We need to revive our past and the energy we placed our present in needs to be retrieved.  

That’s the essence of a glass of water.
But until then, we’ll figure it out.

Because this skin on my skin means I just relapse 

And I’m fully aware of it too…

In a matter of time

In a matter of time,
In all that I do know
Is that you called my bluff.
I just carry enough,
to cover up what I want.
And that want is you.
I miss our can’t live without
you kisses
And the joy in my stomachic bottom pit that left my heart open.
What if you can see my soul needing you by looking into my eyes?
Even so, I’ll always want my eyes to be beautiful for you.
I love you so damn much,
You have finally brought me to my knees.

The cries of horror

Can’t cry because tears are made for the incompetent
What once was isn’t
We act like strangers and I have no control over the wails that are simultaneously overwhelming.
In front of you I play the tough guy role,
However, underneath the womb lies vulnerability.
And I become stagnant.
Believing this will change and you’ll find your way back,
but you told me what time it is.
And the ground shakes.
This earthquake has demolish my soul.
I wish the death of favor on you.
I have harden my heart.
There’s so much tension between us, you can sharpen your saw.
My life is tirelessly moving forward with the heartache of a liar.
You lied to me.
You said we were soulmates.
No more sweet songs for me.
You have move on to the next.
And I lie in this blood of horror.

Empty

Today I felt the most provoking thing that was loneliness.
And now I wake from these deserted naps with a lack of brightness.
You keep me up at night yet you aren’t here to cradle me in ur arms.
So these naps are attempted shots into the void that become restless.
Im not mentally here and my heart is numb.
How could you so eloquently show me this wasn’t what we forecast?
How could you be done that fast?
Haven’t I shown u that beauty is within me and u can freely let go of your past?
How could you say such beautiful words and your actions be so denounced?
How could you hold me so close to your heart then bounce?
Why did I tell you things that weighs pounds on my soul but you equate it as an ounce?
Why did I even give you that ounce?
I’m screaming but there’s no sound.
You denied hearing me.
You surely do have your ways you wanted me to accept yet I’m almost ridiculed ever so gracefully by how my place looks, or how my appearance looks, or how my diction is sub par.
You looked me in my eyes to embrace my flaws and you left me knowing I wasn’t going far.
I guess it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Your perception wasnt my reality however…
All I wanted was to be adrift in your sea of love…
Just wanted you to rely on me…
I want you to be my friend.
Not on your terms but our terms.
Selflessness brings forth prosperity…
Woe to this ironic tragedy that is taken place.
This multiplication of our love has left us subtracting the sum.
Your a nay sayer saying everything but they all add up to nothing.
And the way my heart feels at this present time is troubling.
I pray for my brother’s keeper because I’m on the verge of no return.
And only you can bring me by showing my heart something.
Don’t bring me empty, understand my empathy.
don’t be the illusion of a beautiful scenery…

This labyrinth of our faults

Your beauty and its allies destroy the mere subconscious I have set aside for you.
Full of nurturing, this keepsake you can always come back to
This treasure in which I found however was far from a lucid excursion.
Overseeing the reality of my very own tainted picture of happiness but yet question myself on why this hurts so damn bad.
Woe to the irony.
See..I’m a connoisseur of seeing the rue that was foreseed.
Such web of deception, some will call us the hopeless sinners, but I’ll say we were the meticulous little souls that want to constantly prove how much we love love.
All while when time recedes.
And maybe that’s just it…..the love we have isn’t for the purpose we came together for, maybe something deeper. These love actions or rather suspicious skeptic power chess moves we internally play have the outside world seeing is believing, knowing and achieving…..all while we are steering and reeling.
Such web of The deception we encounter is a beautiful and zealous one.
Maybe this has its shallow waters that we refuse to swim.
But it makes for one hell of a ride yet my feet are finally tired from this amusement park.
Like clockwork, here you come card starking your way back to this bliss so unknown to the public eye…
And my poor hand got me wanting to throw it in every time but I remain unfazed…great bluff face….
Only after hours…days….weeks of practicing in the mirror.
Staring at the hopelessness.
This labyrinth of our faults will be ever lasting
…and letting go of our ego will be the escape key…