#trust

The cause and effect.

Oh how did I forget to put the honey on the womb that was the atonement to your aliveness? Your spliced solace 

Combined like terms

And you get I.

With you it was a mistake gone right.

A cold case found 

A rebound

Rebooting the hard drive we thought it was the sound.

It was.

Our truths not told so it was heard in third parties,

Lowly is the man who has nobody.

Friends forever broken down,

passion ignited was the beginning of the end to a union that was suppose to last forever.

Our forever was momentarily infinite.

Parasites to the mental capacity to see beyond our way of thinking left us like this.

 Creative mind ceased,

Yet the memory keeps the juices flowing.

Finding love in a hopeless place put me in a position to be truly loved.

To know what it felt like.

Life ain’t so easy as they say 

And situations ain’t so stationary as envoys 

I was employed

To invite you to a branch of lighthearted comfort and familiarity.

You served as an editor of what Self worth meant to me,

I see the God in me,

All thanks to you.

Appreciation is an understatement 

I appreciate this current present.

To love and be loved so perfectly aligned 

I never could of dream of such sweetness.

The cause and effect. 

Going through the dark to see the light.

You made it all possible.

I thank you for your wisdom.

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These field of memories…

Laying here in these field of memories,Deprived of sleep,

Because I use to watch u sleep so peacefully,

Here,

And where the soils disbursed a wild fire of lovemaking to heal any wounds we tried our best to not succumb to by looking each other in the eyes while bursting into flames to have our union ensue 

And when break up to making up occurred when one of us feel like the other was producing less we made sure we patched it up by loving some more,

Are how the painful truth came out and the love burning our eyes and aching bones reside and no matter how it came out we held each other by its side,

And what was true love? We answered it here while Marvin Gaye in the background as we laid our bodies down for the first time as complete lovers and not strangers. Feeling the grips of the universe gravitate in our spirits sending electric charges through us. The time was now. 

And why our last encounter was the worst one. Where words that needed not to be said and we went in a dead end. Where regrets happen and love was lost. Trust broken and no more making up was involved. 

This bed. 

The very one I lay in and inhale these memories day and night,

It brings painful loving thoughts of you.

Of us.

A lot of very first times were made here.

I miss you. 

But we are on our own paths now…

Life is roller coaster,

Our love was one also 

Our journey ended when we got off. 

So I inhale these field of memories everyday.

I drown in sorrow,

And wash off in faith. 

I put on my makeup to cover the bloodshed eyes

I smile as if I never was broken 

And I maneuver in this world with the lessons that was taught to me

To love wholeheartedly 

To script my life around what I truly admire

I thank you universe for showing me the way,

Please forgive me on the mistakes we have made,

Heal us again 

And if we are very lucky,

We can reconcile in this field of memories that only you, the powerful creator, can only send. 

I’ll never be the same.

Never knew I can be so indebted to this pain eating away at the place I’m hiding.
I’m slipping away so quietly no one knows I’m walking around here dying.
I thought I knew better, but I ended up not knowing I was in love.
But you never know what you got until it’s gone and I’m left sighing.

Erroneous gasps of breaths I take looking up at our moon.
Reminiscing how it once was ours knowing we were flying there soon.
Seeing was believing and It was felt through our elongated hugs.
Lying here with your wings on my back feeling like a crazy fool.

How didn’t I not believe in us?
How could I have so little trust?
You were my knight in shinny armor and preceptor,
And I was the one you saw as the light even when it was dusk.

I’ll never be the same.

Love is a motherfucker.

I want to dive in it,
But I forgot how to swim.
My faith was in our embrace,
Yet the reality is that she is with him.
Once was still lingers in my heart,
And his kisses birth my vim.

I’m confident in it…
But he lies.
And while I wait
I can’t stop the cries.
I don’t know what to do,
I look to him for answers.
There are no replies.
The risk is so rewarding
But the volatile state it’s in..
Is too scary for me to try.

So I lay here afraid.
I know I adore him.
But it seems like I’m feeling played.
I wanna fly,
Guess I have to take that first step…
Seeing things through,
I’m too fearful of what it will do.
Love is a motherfucker.

Like a dummy…

Like a dummy, she’s on hold…
Like a dummy, she waits for him.
She offers her everything to the table
He brags about the tablecloth on it
She feels offended
He could care less.
Like a dummy, she receives no reply
He’s laughing with his friends as if she is no worry.
She feels ashamed.
She talks so highly of him.
Yet her tears are masked by the rain
He takes her for granted.
She takes herself for granted.
Self love is in order…
She sold herself short
He gladly took her offer
Now she feels nothing.
As if she knew this was going to happen
In which it did.
Female intuition is one hell of power
Yet she feels powerless.
Like a dummy, she is hanging on his every word
And like the beautiful charmer you are,
You allow her to imagine this feigned world.
Without putting yourself in it with her.
And like a dummy, she is still waiting for you to call….
As if she knew this could be the end.
Actions will always speak louder than words.
So she’ll go have fun.
She’ll no longer short change herself.
She might miss an amazing journey,
But refuses to see its destination.
Nothing is more peaceful than security.
You provide none.
Like a dummy, she cried last night.
You seem to not care.
Your not reaching out to her.
Like a dummy she looks at her phone and stare.
Vacant looks into space questioning herself where did she go wrong.
She sees clarity,
she now know he was the prototype.
And as beautiful as this was,
She knows being a dummy is like not having a backbone.
So she’ll have fortitude.
She’ll make it through.
You are beautiful.
Yet your a mirage
Thank you for allowing her to see
That your love is not for me…