#understanding

When sisterhood are homes…

Dreaming of a home that was through a true friendship

A sisterhood

A safe place

Where you can be real with yourself,

To each other.

Judging each other character flaws

The ugly truths expose.

It’s cool because no one is perfect

And you know this friend wouldn’t dare use you in vain.

Their words are important to you

So you gently listen to them

Correcting them for the intent for them to grow

Never diminishing.

A true home where you know they are there walking beside you through it all.

A forgiving home.

A place where apologies is like the ocean.

Full of fluidity and energy behind our sorry’s,

Because we genuinely mean it and recognize when we have hurt each other.

A home where you are supported.

You are watered here like a flower because true love would never dare hurt you.

A friendship that’ll last not because you have common interest, but your soul recognize theirs.

Then I woke up.

I look around and I see selfish self intended love…

Friends who only hit you up when they need something,

Friends who can’t keep their word,

Friends who don’t support you when you need it the most,

Sisters who only care about their self.

I walk around and see friends that don’t talk for years and a honest conversation could mend their brokenness.

I saw greed that broke friendships apart realizing how money is truly the root that was dug up and a sisterhood bond turning brown ready to die.

I saw through space and time a beautiful home being broken apart because they have changed in a way where they don’t recognize each other any more…

I feel the loneliness and sorrow of friends being tore apart,

The ones you need you don’t have anymore.

They say it gets better with time, they say just forget about them,

But when you lose a friend that feels like home,

Nothing is a win.

Living on and trusting the universe it happened for a reason,

Hoping your days will get better.

For now the homelessness feels bitterness towards them,

How dare them you say.

The betrayal feels so real.

But the part we all forget is…

Did you see why they feel the way they do?

Did you receive a different perspective?

Did you let the water run dry when you could have led them to a river?

Was sorry too hard for you to say because you don’t like to realize your own wrongdoing?

Whether I was dreaming or whether I am awake nothing feels more painful than losing a home you thought was build on solid ground.

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No more you.

We were so busy trying to save the world, we forgot to save ourselves.
The distortion of reality gravitated each other to one another
Yet it had a bookshelf life.
This was it.
This wasn’t it.
Tearing each other down as if we were going for Olympic gold medals to see who can destroy each other’s dignity first.
No love found here,
This is where the most weak play in battlefields.
Hence the reason why we used it for batting practice.
What we settle for we become accustomed to.
Your wise ways infiltrated some very cognitive manipulation.
And I never knew a human can make you feel so malleable… So vulnerable.
So gut punching that all you can do is just sit here and be drained by the words they describe you as.
Even the strong couldn’t impede on what you say to hit for jugular bonus points as merely mean.
So as I continue on this quest of life, I realize your not suppose to be here without providing strife.
See this happened twice and I refuse to feel what the third charm is like.
Comfortability has nothing to do with stability and your ticking bomb has left my brains spattered on this ceiling.
There’s nothing more I can think and do but knowing that I am able to move past you seems like a new adventure to do.
However deeply sadden by the past occurrences, so hurt I question every sweet lullaby you serenaded and I take on the dead weight of these anchor words you left here.
How could you be so smart and not have a soul?
I guess in life people choose one or the other…
I choose to live in harmony. I won’t let the anxiety of possibly being lonely hinder my future because I can simply move into a new venture.
Just by clicking my glass heels 3 times I’m there.
And your not here, such a release…a relief to no longer be a babysitter.
Taking on your vices as if I adopted them, no more sad questions to myself to know if you really care about me,
No more fighting,
No more headaches.
No more name calling,
No more you.

Normalcy?

Lovers missing option for the sake of intimacy.
Why must we forsake the very thing we see as destiny?
Is this just a sex thing or could this be what my gut says?
Or maybe its my over active imagination being indulged in normalcy…

I wanna love you to it’s core.
I want to show you I am able to be that beautiful woman you need and more.
But I’m holding back.
I can’t give you my all until I feel like its worth it,
Please don’t be just a lore…
Anyone can lay down with you and make beautiful love
But can you wake up knowing that you can be with that person forever?
Do you feel like that with me?
Or is this just a sex thing?

I don’t want this to end.
I do know I am perfectly capable of the incipient of the beauty we found in each other.
I just want to be beautiful in your eyes.
I want us to make music that is focus on dedication and pleasing .
Please keep my heart safe and take your time sweetie.

Are you with someone else right now?
Or should I be ashamed of the jealously I feel ingrained in me?
maybe its finally time to put a bandage on my painful past and simply act my age.
Lets end this war.
I won’t hurt you.
The only armor you’ll ever need with me is a pillow and your arms around me that keeps me safe.
Most importantly, realize you can’t be no one but yourself with me and because of that,
Dont save me, just stay beside me.